I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
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I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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