Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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