Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
