And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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