We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
