clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
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