boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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