I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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