I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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