All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
