Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
