guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
