I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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