First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
