no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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