Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
