eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
