im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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