Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
