Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
