I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Shame - the story of my life.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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