put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize