My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
