i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
