He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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