He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Randomize
