Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
