a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
