so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
