You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
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I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
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barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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