"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
