Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
