Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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