You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
