my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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