You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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