I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
