it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
