things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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