it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
