if only i could text you this smell
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
