You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Everclear isn't food dammit
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
