Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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