just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
