he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize