do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
