we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
