Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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