you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
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