Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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