Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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