I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
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She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
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Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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