the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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