i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
