You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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