11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
