I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
