After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
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I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
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Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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