Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
