I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize