Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
