I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
