Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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