I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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