K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Still dying that you shit outside
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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