Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
