WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
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No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
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Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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