UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
