I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
