I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
