I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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