Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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