Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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