My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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